Why Aren't Bidets in Every Bathroom Already?!

Man Operating High Powered Bidet with Optional Nozzle Attached

Once you've adjusted to the unnatural feeling of a garden hose spraying out your shitcannon you realize that it's probably what god intended for life all along. Ancient man used to wipe his ass with leaves and papyrus, but the smart ones would find the nearest waterfall and let the soothing power of H2O wash their anus clean. It's not going to be an easy transition to make, but I think every bathroom in the world needs to use a bidet instead of toilet paper.

I wouldn't be surprised if the only thing keeping this from happening is the will of the dirty corrupt toilet paper companies like Charmin and Cottonelle that know their asses are on the line here. The fact is we're not running out of water any time soon, but we are running out of trees. If you care even a little about the environment, wiping your asshole with processed tree flesh has to be one of the most hypocritical things possible aside from skinning a dolphin with a bowie knife. Make the switch to a bidet today!