Saturday, February 16, 2013

The Smartest Ways To Die

You always hear about the dumb ways people die like blow drying their hair in a full bathtub or directing traffic naked on the freeway or trying to massage the genitals of a grizzly bear, but you rarely hear about the smart ways someone can die. If you're like me then you want some options when it comes to your death so you can die in a more intelligent fashion.

The problem is most of the ways people die are dumb. Death is the only reason stupidity is a negative trait to begin with. There are some smart ways to die though, for instance you could die while operating a Large Hadron Collider. Or you could die by being murdered by a robot you accidentally made sentient. I would personally prefer being assassinated shortly after winning one of those big Crossword puzzle tournaments by a bitter, defeated rival. That has to be one of the smartest possible ways to die. Another would be to die like Spock in "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan".

Any type of radiation death is usually pretty intelligent. If you've got access to insane radiation then there's a good chance you graduated college so even if you make a mistake that's still a pretty smart way to go out. Of course the ultimate smart way to die would be to explode in a space shuttle. RIP Challenger and Columbia! May god rest your highly intelligent souls.

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